Finding a couple who makes you think, “I would love to have that some day!” doesn’t come around every day (unless you’re thumbing through Instagram photos). So what does it take to have one of your own? How do you prepare yourself for an EPIC relationship? The answer is extremely simple, yet it takes some effort and discipline to implement. The best relationships are not made up of perfect people, they are made of two individuals living up to their best selves who decide to live it together.
What the heck does that mean? How do you live up to your best self?
Living up to your best self is like training to be an Olympic athlete. Every aspect of your life is optimized to achieve one goal. Instead of running, swimming, or skiing, your goal is to have the best life YOU could possibly live. Here’s how to do it:
Define your life’s work. Everyone is born with a unique ability; a driving passion to do or be something. That one thing that only YOU can do in your own way. Take some time to devote to identifying what that one thing is. Define for yourself what you want to spend the rest of your life offering up to the world. Never mind self-imposed limitations that hamper your divine capabilities. Remove all thoughts that tell you “that’s impossible”, “I don’t have time to do that”, or “it’s too late”. It’s never too late to live up to what you were always meant to be.
Clean house. The reason why understanding your life’s work is important is because who you are and what you do is the basis for who you allow in your world. Your intimate circle of influence should only include those that push you further to where you need to be. If you have people or place yourself in environments that derail or outright block you from being who you are meant to be, it’s time to exorcize them from your life. It doesn’t mean they are bad; it just means that they have outgrown their value. In addition to removing people, you may need to check yourself. If you’re harboring fear about making a change, holding on to what makes you comfortable doing only what you know, or taking a risk, you need to work on getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. Change is never easy, convenient, or short, but it is TOTALLY worth it.
Get SMART. You really can’t do anything well without a plan. Dreams without goals or a plan is just that: a dream. Break your dreams down to bite-sized goals by making them S.M.A.R.T. (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-sensitive). As you begin knocking out one by one, you increase your confidence and satisfaction with the quality of your life.
Surround yourself with positivity. Everyone needs an army of mentors, accountability partners, and cheerleaders to keep you on focused, on track, and away from the nay-sayers (including your own occasional doubts). If you think you can provide all of this on your own, you’re wrong. You need different people with different strengths to fill these roles, so don’t expect to keep your newfound endeavors to yourself. Create a force field of positive energy so thick, virtually nothing could keep you from achieving your goals.
Start Living! Life is not meant to be lived in four walls. Go and be about the business of being who you were meant to be. Chase happiness as if it owed you money. Love yourself as if you were the best thing since sliced bread. Affect the lives of all you come into contact with. Get messy, make mistakes, learn and grow. The best version of you does not come without a little agitation and sore muscles. Over time, your endurance builds up, you make less mistakes, and you recover faster. What comes out of it is you at your BEST.
Once you’ve begun living the life that you want with the best version of you, you will repel those who have no interest in the new you. That is a fact. Old friends and family who don’t understand this new you will control-alt-delete themselves without a whole lot of cajoling. It may hurt and it may be unpleasant, but it is completely necessary. In their place, you will attract those who are on the same path as you. This includes those who are best suited for partnership.
So you’ve gotten YOU down. Now let’s work on creating that US. To prepare yourself for an EPIC relationship, you will need to:
Determine the qualities of the person best suited for YOUR life. These qualities are similar, but slightly different from the qualities you want from your friends and family. Things like honesty, integrity, thoughtfulness, and a desire to be around you are what we want in everyone we have in our lives. There is an additional level of intimacy that your partner will have to fulfill. Are they affectionate, do they display a willingness to be open and vulnerable with you, are they interested in creating a family? Do they want to do all of these things with you?
Set your criteria for a relationship. We all have our checklists, whether we call it that or not. How much weight do we apply to each of them? Are they all equally important or are there some you can live without? Grab a pen and pad. Write out all of the qualities your ideal partner has. Then, make three columns: Must Haves, Should Haves, and Nice to Haves. Put those qualities in one of these three columns. Your “Must Haves” are your deal breakers. Without these, you cannot pass go (think must want children, be financially stable, have some sort of moral compass). “Should Haves” are those functional and emotional qualities that are important, but can be negotiated to taste (think romantic, physically fit, outgoing, etc.). “Nice to Haves” are those that you would like or fantasize about, but ultimately not a deal breaker if he doesn’t have it.
Set your boundaries (read: standards) and honor yourself by honoring them. All of the qualities in your requirements list are your standards. This is the unshakeable framework for how you wish to operate. It is your responsibility, however, to ensure that your partner has them. You must honor the life that you have created by setting boundaries for the people in it. If they can’t or don’t want to live up to your standards, they are not worthy of you. Remember that in every relationship, you are also responsible for living up to their standards as well. You cannot ask of someone that which you are not willing to give. An epic relationship is one that requires no negotiating of standards on either side. It also does not ask that either of you give up being the best version of yourselves.
So there you have it; how to create an epic relationship! What are some other things that you think you need to create a relationship of epic proportions? Leave a comment below and let me know!